The best way to remember is to keep the fire alive in your heart

I admit it. There are times where I feel everything is hopeless and don't know if the uphill battle I am fighting is ever going to pay out to anything. Especially with the knowledge that the quest for grad school may end up just the same as last year and having a lot of spare time on your hands makes you think what could or might happen.

It is also admittedly hard to give everything up to your maker in hopes that he will guide you to what you hope is the right door....your door. Sometimes when it seems you do not see an answer for months, you close your eyes and begin to think all is lost. That everything you have worked for might mean nothing.

Yet, I have a simple reminder that this not true. That the fight for the dream career is worth taking on.

It is a simple letter from my father that was given to me while on a mission trip to Alaska. In it, he reminds me that I am loved by both him and family. Moreover, he reminds me why taking chances are so important. He reminds me that experience is the best thing to have, but you cannot just attain it by standing around.

It is, in a sense, a reminder that the world can be harsh, but I will always be loved. Yet, it tells me to live life day by day and to live those days fully. If God gives you a chance, you go for it, but remember to keep your head on your shoulders.


If I could see my father, I would tell him that one of his greatest gifts to me was that simple letter and the advice that came with it. I would tell him that it is also one of those things that will be a light for me in dark places, even when all other lights go out.


---Ellen

I torture myself with food

I have this tendency to watch Food Network or shows like Top Chef, Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, or Man vs. Food when I am super hungry. Like stomach eating itself hungry. I don't know why I torture myself, but it's something that happens on a regular basis.


Yesterday, it was Nigella Feasts on The Cooking Channel with Nigella Lawson. I think Nigella is all right. She is definitely better than G-AH-DAH De Laurentiis or Ina "I'm swimming in money" Garten on hosting for sure, but they all make food I'd like to eat happily and making "nom" noises to.

She was making some sort of dessert that had chocolate in it and looked whipped and AWESOME. Not to mention golden cornbread and, coming up, guacamole with a few other things. My stomach literally went into food rage. I was hungry before, but now it went to "HOW DARE YOU MOCK ME?!!" state of hunger. This, of course, unlocked my hypoglycemia. I rushed to the kitchen, heated up some leftovers, and changed the channel (after friend and fiance both told me to).

And this isn't just a one time occurrence. I've done it plenty of times before and will continue to do it. I just need to learn to eat before I watch them. Otherwise I see something delicious and might starting looking at my hands in hunger.

Hoping, Wishing, Waiting

Job interview tonight for a part-time sales gig.

Applications completed for CU Boulder, UNC Greensboro, and UF.

Here's to some good luck.



Cheers,
Ellen

Pit stops on the trail

I figure since my friend started a new blog, I needed to update mine....and keep updating it regularly.

I am back in my hometown living with my Mama. I have missed her and know she is happy to have me back cooking her meals again, going with her to the store, and watching movies with her when she is not grading stupid (and smart) kids' papers. She knows, however, that I hope for this to be a temporary stop on the trail, an intermediary chapter in a longer story. If you are on a journey of your own, you know exactly what I mean.

I applied to the University of Colorado at Boulder. I have not heard anything as of yet from them back. I hope the community college here sent the transcript on time and everything is nicely sealed and packaged in order to be read. I understand it takes a few weeks for everything to be sorted and for it to be submitted for review. I'm just ready for it to be reviewed.

University of North Carolina at Greensboro and University of Florida (repeats from last year) are up next. I've really grown to appreciate the way they (UNC Greensboro) approach preservation in a community form, treating everything with importance. I like that they see people forget the past unless we keep it alive. Guess I should have done that research more last year, but honestly, I learned more about the cause of preservation at Villa Finale than I ever did before.

I am looking for jobs. Unfortunately, this area is a little dead with the hiring, but I am determined to find a paying position. I need money like anyone else. I got things to pay and stuff I want to buy. I did do a training sim as an assessment for a bank. I just don't know if I scored high enough to be noticed. Banks and I (or anyone I'm related to) have not had a good hiring rapport, as in, they never want to hire me. I don't why; it just happens.

I'll keep the update going. Feb 1st will bring the next 2 applications, then Texas Tech and Appalachian State after that. Much to do, much to do.


--Ellen

Fresh ink starts the new sentence

And a new chapter...

My time at Villa Finale and the city of San Antonio has ended. I will miss it and not miss it. I loved and hated it. Bittersweet was my relationship.

I will miss my friends like Tobin, Katie, Tara, Erika, Farrah, and Patrick. I will miss having everything so close. I will miss getting around easier. I will not miss living next to the interstate, the sound of sirens and trains every few hours, or having roads with little to few turnlanes and sometimes poor demarcation. I enjoy the quietness of my home, seeing my mother, some of my friends and family, and the relative smallness of the city compared to my former haunts of the last 6 months. This place has nothing for my career, however, and will remain forever an intermediary chapter.

My town is beautiful, but small. Small is the word here. Unlike a big city, it has no major museums. Unlike a big city, it has no big museum jobs to try to get. This state also has no museum studies programs in it.

I must get to grad school this year.

So I am applying. I already missed one application date due to the moving process, work ending, internship ending madness i was going through at the end of 2010. I simply forgot, but I just replace that application with another school to apply to. I must keep going.

I have not missed the application date to my dream school, University of Colorado at Boulder, so that is promising. Everything is almost done for that application. I have references lined up. I want to get into that program so badly. Other school app dates are coming mostly at the beginning of February. Hectic, but I will get it done.

So the plan is to stay here until I hear back from the schools and (hopefully) have good news about where I am going. I will get a job until then to past sometime and collect some money for my sake. Jobs here, unlike the big city, are hard to come by as well. Then, when I find out, I hope to pack up early and move to the city. Get a job, get a feel for the location. Then start on my path to a graduate degree.

Hopefully God approves the plan this time.

Sleep time.


---Ellen

And the curtains start to close.

This is it. Tomorrow is my last day at Villa Finale as an intern and I will miss it sorely. I will miss Meg and her welcoming voice and smile, Katie and her advice, hearing stories about Mexico from Karina, and Tina talking about her children. I will miss Chris and Orlando, who were always kind to me as well. Some song lyrics from The Killers ring true at this moment:


Aggressively, we all defend the role we play
Regrettably, the time's come to send you on your way
We've seen it all: from bonfires of trust to flash floods of pain
It's doesn't really matter, don't you worry it will all work out
No it doesn't really matter, don't worry, that ain't what its all about

We hope you enjoyed your stay
And it's good to have you with us
Even if it's just for the day
We hope you've enjoyed your stay
Outside the sun is shining
It seems like heaven ain't far away
Its good to have you with us
Even if it's just for the day


Tomorrow I will have to say goodbye and set off on further adventures. What they are about and where they will be, I do not know. I hope that I will be going to grad school in Colorado or in North Carolina and that Joe will have a good job too. I look forward to my future adventures bright-eyed and hopeful. God will not let me down.

Ready to Sail Away (Not Literally)...

I'm tired. I've been tired the past week. Why? Because it's the holidays and for some reason, I've been working 9 hour shifts like nobody business. Yes, it's paying for stuff. No, I am not enjoying it.

I know in a real world job I'd work 40 hour weeks, but I'd at least get some days off. I had one day off this past week and that was Thanksgiving. I have none this upcoming week until Monday,the 6th, where Joe and I ship off to Alabama.

Currently, my back is filled up with tons of stress pent up from the week. From every bitchy customer to every pet peeve, all stuck in my back. Now, it's hard to sleep. Thank you, retail job.

I have so much grad school stuff to do it isn't funny.