Waiting to dream

Ugh, I got rejected by UNC Greensboro.

Not much to say. Generic letter, generic sayings. Basically, it told me that they have so many applicants that, when they choose, they are going to be uber-picky about who they choose. A girl with a 990 GRE score out of a possible 1600 will not make it in.

Yes, it was a history program with a museum studies. But, it was still a program and they still rejected me. No, I'm not giving up. Still, The all-too-familiar fear of being rejected by all schools again hangs over my head once more. It's like a gray cloud that just sits there whispering "what if they don't accept you? what will you do?"

I don't know. Plan B has such a bitter taste to it when said. I don't want Plan B, I want Plan A is what I want and will continue to want.

Take more history classes? Look for museum jobs? I don't know. History is probably more logical since I could apply for Public History much more easily, but I shouldn't have to. I feel like I'm stuck in a glass box on display. Stand still, sit pretty, and complete limited options.

Limited options is the right choice of words. Yes, I will apply to museum jobs, including the one Emily sent me. Most require that elusive master's degree, though. I feel like I'm on a hunt for a mythical creature. You see glimpses of it and hear tales from people who have attained it, but it is nowhere to be seen.

I have a few more to apply to, but right now, it's hard to stand still, look pretty, and convince myself everything's all right. Because honestly, rejection sucks big time.

--Ellen